On Coming Home

I had a good summer. For the first time in eight years, we had a holiday just for pleasure. Not one structured around my research or a doomed attempt to appease extended family, but just a place we thought might be fun for the four of us.

We went to Innsbruck, with a few days in a mountain village called Thiersee along the way. Part of Thiersee’s appeal for me was staying in an all-inclusive hotel (I think this is OK when it’s independent, family-run and in Austria. And the food is all both organic and locally sourced.) For three days, I didn’t need to think at all about what to cook or whether we had enough milk for breakfast or whether I’d provided each child with five portions of fruit and veg and if not, why not and could I borrow from tomorrow or yesterday… We went off climbing mountains in the knowledge that there’d be a four-course meal on the table when we came back, and one lovely day, swam in the lake until there was only just time to hurry down the road and shower before dinner.

And then we went to Innsbruck, where we stayed in an apartment, but by then we were ready for less hearty mountain cooking and I’d had a few days off. I like Innsbruck. I’d like to live in Innsbruck. (We were delighted to discover a very old friend who does live in Innsbruck and pines for Munich, so it goes.) From our balcony, we could see mountains in all directions and watch the weather coming down the valley from Italy, and the local trains took us high up the valleys in twenty minutes so we could spend the day hiking and wander around the eighteenth-century old town in the evening. I enjoyed speaking German again and, despite issuing manifestos about accepting translated fiction, I’ve signed up for a German course now.

And now we’re back in what doesn’t quite feel like home. Leamington Spa in general and our new house in particular are perfectly comfortable and pleasant places where any sensible person would be glad to live, and I am glad but I still pine for Falmouth and our small, damp and quirky cottage. I knew I would. The challenge now is to develop a similar affection for a new place, and partly to that end I’ve been cycling to work, eight miles of which half is a quiet country lane lined, at the moment, with damsons, blackberries, rowans and rosehips. We’ve made six kilos of jam, and I have a hunch that eating your environment might be a good way of learning to love it.

In praise of grey skies

I’ve never liked hot weather. It’s probably one of the reasons for my love of North Atlantic islands. It’s much easier to keep warm in cold weather than to keep cool in hot weather, and I don’t like having the shape of my days dictated by the need to stay out of the sun. (Rain is fine. You don’t survive a year in Iceland and three in West Cornwall without being relaxed about rain. It’s only water, won’t go deeper than skin, unlike sunshine which will give you sunburn and skin cancer as well as headaches, dehydration and unseemly clothes).

So I didn’t like the heatwave, and I greet the return of grey skies and cool breezes with much cheer, and the fervent hope that the rest of the summer will stay temperate. As temporary deprivation does, the hot interlude made me think how much I like our usual English climate. Part of my settling in Warwickshire has been to buy a bike – I hadn’t cycled since Iceland because Falmouth is full of steep hills and I just don’t hate myself that much. I bought it planning to cycle to work, the seven miles being too far to walk both ways and the buses being expensive and overcrowded, but I started by exploring some of the roads out of Leamington, and soon found a circular route that takes me along narrow back lanes through hamlets, fields and woodland. It’s not the kind of landscape I usually appreciate much, preferring my countryside bleaker and higher, but I’m beginning to see Warwickshire’s bucolic appeal. There are rolling hills, enough for variety but not exhausting for cyclists, a richness of tall trees, hedgerows and streams. I’ve always enjoyed taking the same routes every couple of days so that I learn to notice small changes, the growing and falling of leaves and flowers, the rise and fall of the water level, the progress of roadworks and house-building and especially the effect of different kinds of light and weather. For two weeks, I had to cycle early in the morning and even then it was too hot. The tarmac melted, I sweated, the sky was one shade of blue and the light was strong and unrelenting. Today was cool and damp. I could go fast without being red-faced and miserable, there were depths of grey and white in the sky and layers of water-colour perspective in the inclines of the land. Looking at England, I thought, teaches you to see subtleties invisible in more extreme climates.

On Going to Japan and Not Reading German

I’ve lost German. I’ve lost French a bit too, but not as much, mostly the accent. I can still read in French. My German was never as good, never really good enough for nineteenth-century novels, with the foolish result that I have read almost no German literature. I knew I ought to read it in German. I knew it would be mere laziness and self-indulgence to use a translation. I wanted to be like the Bronte sisters, like the Rivers women in Jane Eyre, gathering around the fire with Goethe and a German dictionary night after night until they could do it, not because they needed the GCSEs but just for the love of the thing. For self-improvement. I worked my way through the French canon along approximately those lines but my German just wasn’t really there, not enough for Thomas Mann. And I’m a literary critic by training and translations just won’t do. You’re reading for the plot, with a translation, or for the cultural and historical context, or even if the translator’s done a lovely job and you’re reading for the beauty of the thing, it’s not the original beauty. It’s not authentic. (And yes, I do know fairly exactly how problematic is the idea of authenticity.) So German literature, bar a bit of poetry, had to wait until I could read it in German. Twenty years later, it’s still waiting.

Meanwhile, I’m writing this on the train to London on my way to Japan. I haven’t pulled myself together. I haven’t risen like a phoenix from the ashes of my seventeen-year-old self, the one disabled by self-consciousness and the haunting fear that one day someone would see through me. I’m still afraid of making a fool of myself. I’m still scared by the idea of a world in which there are no words for me. But I’m also, now, writing a novel in which someone bigger and braver than me goes to Japan. I’ve gone back to my fascination for the wood-block prints. And while I might have got away with writing Cold Earth without ever going to Greenland because I knew other North Atlantic landscapes pretty well, I don’t think I could write about Japan without ever having set foot in Asia.

There is a solution for people who want to go somewhere but don’t want to be alone in a foreign land. I thought the history of tour groups began with Thomas Cook at the end of the nineteenth century, but on reflection I recall that almost all European travellers in Asia had guides from the very beginning, and usually they took along their own servants as well, to do the laundry and make sure they had nice food and that the sheets were aired and the towels clean. The idea that one could or wish would to travel unescorted and unmediated is a very modern one. I was not brought up to join tours, or indeed groups of any kind. My parents were fully independent, intrepid travellers. We found roads that weren’t on the map and drove along them through the mountains. We camped because we could carry our own tents and sleeping bags and be dependent on and beholden to nobody. (I am reminded of Pa in Little House on the Prairie.) We scorned crowds, tourists, translators. The highest praise for a landscape was that it held no trace of human occupation and that we had it to ourselves.

All that seems pretty misanthropic to me now. Humans are, by and large, sociable animals. Most of us need company as well as solitude. I despise the rhetoric of independence in relation to politics because I am certain that we all have the responsibility of caring for others and the right to be cared for ourselves. I don’t want to live in a society that fetishes independence but one where ordinary human weakness meets with ordinary human mercy and compassion, not because the world is divided into the weak and strong but because we are all weak and strong. Well, I’m a weak traveller, at least according to the definitions with which I grew up. Isolation drives me mad, quite quickly. I worry a lot. I see catastrophes coming from far away. I dislike being unable to communicate. But I would still like to go to Japan, not because I need to prove anything along the lines of independence, intrepidity or general moral worth but because I am a writer and I want to write about it. So I’ve found people who will do the difficult and arduous bit for me so I can concentrate on looking really hard and writing really hard about what I see. I’ll be walking the Nakasendo Way with a company called Walk Japan, staying in interesting and comfortable guesthouses chosen by people who know what they’re doing, having my bags taken ahead by taxi so I can tread lightly without being impeded by impedimenta. They’ve chosen and booked a traditional inn in Kyoto for me, because I reckoned I’d rather rely on someone’s professional expertise than on vindictive or simple-minded Tripadvisor reviews and I want to be well looked-after so I can get on with seeing and writing. And I’ve got The Magic Mountain to read on the plane, in a perfectly adequate English translation.

Growing up is hard to do. But it means I get to go to Japan.

On not going to Japan

As a teenager, I spent several summers in Germany, staying with a family near Dusseldorf. The arrangement began as a language exchange and went on as a friendship. From the age of fourteen, I used to fly from Manchester to Paris, cross Paris on the metro and continue by train to a small village outside Le Mans, where I spent several weeks speaking French, and then back to Paris and on to Dusseldorf to speak German. I thought I was tasting my future as a citizen of Europe, equipping myself with the languages I’d need for the adult life I had all planned out. I fear I may have taken myself even more seriously than most teenagers do.

I finished school as a confident and independent traveller, comfortable with my ability to get myself around pretty much anywhere in western Europe, to read newspapers, watch films and discuss my ideas in three languages. The disadvantage was that my competence depended entirely on words. I’d never had to cope with a place where I couldn’t explain myself, ask for what I wanted and talk my way out of trouble.

One of the museums I visited in Germany was the Museum of East Asian Art. My mother was an art historian and I’d grown up reasonably well educated in the European tradition, but I’d barely seen art from the rest of world. I remember spending the whole day there, fascinated by Japanese woodcuts. I didn’t understand how they could be so compelling without the kind of depth and perspective I was used to, but they kept calling me back. I’d like to say it was the beginning of an amateur expertise, a day that started my development as a connoisseur, but it wasn’t. I bought two prints to take home and went on with my summer.

I put those prints on my bedroom wall when I went home, and they became the inspiration for a series of stories on which I worked, on and off, for a couple of years. I don’t have them now, the stories or the prints, and I doubt the writing was any good, but the experience of looking really hard at something and writing really hard about it, over and over again, might have been the beginning of something recognizably like my writing practice. I read a bit about Japan, admired a silk kimono my grandfather had inherited, and thought how much I’d like to go one day if only I could do so invisibly. I knew I would never be able to cope with finding myself illiterate, clueless and ill-mannered. My fear of my own vulnerability was so very much greater than my desire to see Japan that I knew I’d never go, however much it appealed. That was that.

House hunting

Moving house is distracting. I’m not writing at the moment, which is more or less all right because the next project is still in the research phase, but I’m not reading as much or as attentively as usual either. It’s not that I need absolute peace and hours of seclusion to read and write; any writer who also has a serious job and a family is used to having to make time and to prioritize a creative practice over other, apparently more urgent, activities. I am more than capable of writing instead of cooking, or attending school sports day, or sending Christmas cards. I am not worried by overdue filing or the insistent demands of bureaucracy, and find it often more efficient to let work e-mails build up for a day or two and then answer them all at once when I’ve finished some research or writing.

But there’s something about relocation that’s taking over my mind. I can’t stop myself checking property websites more than once a day, in case the perfect house comes up, and then when it doesn’t, checking for neighbouring towns where we’ve already decided we don’t want to be as well, just in case a house so spectacular as to overcome our objections to the location has appeared since I last looked. When I’m trying to read, I find myself staring at the wall thinking, well, if we put the sofa in that room, where would the children sit to read while I’m cooking? Would my yarn collection start to smell of onions if it lived in an open-plan kitchen/living room? Could we be happy with a very small garden if it faced south and we had lots of indoor plants? I doubt any of it matters all that much; if our family’s happiness really depends on the dimensions of the lawn, we have problems unlikely to be solved by real estate. But I do know, from experience, that domestic architecture makes a huge difference to family life and that some houses make it hard to share or divide everyone’s time and space.

There’s something rather novelistic about all this, the need to call into being parallel lives in different places, to imagine the family future taking shape within new walls, and that’s one of my excuses: relocation is so much like writing a novel that I can’t do both at once. I’ve said to several estate agents that it’s no wonder people tend to behave badly, irrationally, when all of their money and their homes are at stake. I’m sure we could be happy – or unhappy – in most of the houses we’ve considered, and I know we’re lucky to have a choice. My attention, my compulsive attention, to the matter of relocation, is partly a superstitious offering of my creative energies to a time of disruption. If I stop writing, maybe the new house won’t have rising damp, won’t be dazzled nightly by the floodlights on a playing field behind the garden, won’t turn out to have a barking dog next door or – please God deliver us – a midnight television enthusiast on the other side of the party wall. If I stop writing, maybe we’ll find a house where the children’s teenage years will go smoothly, where new friends will become old friends and sickness will pass us by. Writing can be a form of prayer, but sometimes not writing is also a kind of supplication, an offering to other gods.

On Knitting

I have recently taught myself a new way of knitting, the version I saw in Iceland where the yarn is always in the left hand. It’s much faster and more comfortable for me than the English way, and so I’ve been knitting a lot and feeling rather pleased with myself about it. I enjoy the colours and textures of yarn, the satisfaction of material growth which seems such a contrast to the invisible, intangible development of a novel-in-progress. I find endless writing-as-knitting metaphors, but the truth is that knitting is easier. There it is, on the needles, an inch bigger than it was half an hour ago.

I tend to feel defensive about knitting. I’ve been re-reading several nineteenth-century feminist writers over the last few months, many of whom regard handicrafts as a way of diverting women’s energies away from education, politics and professional achievement towards time-consuming and wholly unnecessary trivia. I keep remembering the scene in Sense and Sensibility where Lucy discloses the depth of her foolishness by spending all day contentedly adorning a paper box. The more Victorian history I read, the more I think the industrial revolution was in the end a Good Thing, at least for everyone except the male elite, and the more suspicious I become about the fetishizing of the ‘hand-made’ (labour-intensive – usually women’s labour -, expensive, exclusive). But I do like a nice hand-spun alpaca or silk in a subtle vegetable dye, and if I can buy it direct from the artisan, so much better… My knitting is hypocritical.

The other reason knitting makes me defensive is the time it takes. I have the time. I am not neglecting my work or my children in order to knit. But every time a woman who doesn’t knit – always, so far, a woman – sees me knitting, she says, ‘I’d never have the time to do anything like that’ or ‘I’d love to do something like that but I’m just too busy.’ Then I feel guilty. I’m not busy enough, plainly. I must be frivolous, unproductive, or perhaps neglecting all the crucial things with which serious people are so busy. I write, I protest to myself. I do my job, with energy and enthusiasm (a lot of the time when I’m knitting I’m thinking about writing or teaching). The perfect mother would doubtless devote more time and energy to her children than I do, but I accepted a while ago that the perfect mother will always be hanging around at the back of my mind and meanwhile the children seem to be all right. When I’m around, I talk to them at least as much as they want me to. I take them to places I think we might all like. I cook for them, help with homework, see that they get plenty of exercise and vegetables and clean clothes and table manners and all the other things parents supply. I even talk to my husband most days. So while I’m quite willing to believe that other people are more important and busier than I am – surgeons, perhaps, Sarah Lund – it’s not quite clear to me what else I ought to be doing. (Apart from housework. I am too busy for that. And keeping proper accounts with receipts and washing the car and taking anything to the dry-cleaner, ever.)

Some stages of life are truly busier than others. Somehow when our first child was born, it took me and Anthony 24 hours a day to feed, clean and change him and we didn’t have time to eat or shower. (I can’t remember why. When the second one came along, I could do those things and look after a four-year-old and the house all on my own and it was often dull but rarely challenging.) Of course there are people who really are too busy to knit, people doing intensive caring or working in jobs that require bursts of absolute devotion. But mostly, I think, we all find time for the things we want to do most. I haven’t always knitted but I have always read fiction, every day of my life since I was six – including taking Finals and giving birth and getting married as well as international relocations with small children. I don’t turn on the computer every day. I don’t own a television. I don’t use Facebook or Twitter. I don’t play or watch any kind of sport. I very rarely listen to music. Most of my friends are far away and I have little social life in Cornwall. I wouldn’t say I don’t have time for any of these things. There are the same hours in my days as in the days of people who go running, practice yoga, keep themselves educated about current affairs, learn new languages and file their paperwork as it comes in. I could make time, I just don’t want to. I’d rather knit.

Edges to Middle

We’ll be leaving Cornwall next year. I’ve accepted a new job, as Reader in Creative Writing at Warwick, starting in September. I’m so pleased with the job that I want to hug myself every time I think of it. The Writing, Nature and Place MA in Cornwall has been shut down, and at Warwick I’ll be part of a team of writers running an innovative and substantial undergraduate and postgraduate programme in a new building designed for the purpose – a very rare treat for academics in the Arts – and all sorts of good things will be possible. We’re planning a module tracing a river from source to sea, some writing about abandoned buildings, and maybe even a bit of knitting…

It will all be good, but it does mean leaving Falmouth. Not immediately. I’ll commute weekly for the first year until the children are at better points in their school careers for another move. (The seven-hour commute is going to be just fine. All the trains will run on time. I’ll never miss a connection, never have to stand for several hours, and there will be no lengthy delays caused by such unpredictable events as falling leaves or the wrong kind of rain. I’ll get lots of work done in peace and quiet on Virgin Trains. La la la. I have my fingers in my ears and I can’t hear a word on this subject.) Sometimes, walking the coast alone in the evening light, or picnicking with my family while watching seals from a cliff-top, the move seems like such a tragedy that I seriously wonder if I can commute three hundred miles in the long term. There is, after all, rumoured to be a member of my new department who commutes from Provence (though that would take rather less time than from West Cornwall, and probably cost no more. Perhaps we should move to Provence.) I’ve lived by the sea, one sea or another, for eight years now, and it seems a terrible thing to turn inland. As one of my colleagues said when I told him I planned to leave, I like edges. I do like edges, walking along them and writing about them.

But visiting Warwickshire these last few months, I have also seen advantages in the middle. There are the obvious ones: being one hour and not six from my friends in Oxford and London, being able to go to parties and plays and museums without needing to spend, and justify, several days and hundreds of pounds in the process, being able to go abroad in one day rather than three. I knew about those all along, and they were never reason enough to leave Falmouth. But I wonder now about hills and rivers, the comfort of a landscape densely inhabited for thousands of years. There aren’t many really old buildings in Cornwall, not in the way that there were in Oxford and Canterbury. It’s hard to see the outlines and ghosts of life before the Industrial Revolution, difficult to sense earlier footsteps under my feet. Every journey starts by going east for at least a hundred miles before there’s any decision to make. I’ve never felt peripheral here in the way that some of my colleagues do, have almost always been sure that wherever I am is the centre of my world. But I like the idea of having the whole compass of directions around me, the north of England where I grew up and still, in some fundamental way, feel most at home, the flatlands and big skies of the Fens, Wales where my godmother lives, and London and Heathrow and the way to the big world lying in a circle around me. As we face another move, I’m thinking a lot about belonging and dislocation and landscape. I wonder what it will be like to feel England all around us, to be encompassed by land, and I can imagine that it might, actually, be rather pleasant.

June 2012

I don’t much like summer. I can’t get the clothes right. You’re not supposed to have hot puddings. Chocolate melts. There’s no shade on the coast path so it’s too hot if you cover up and too bright if you don’t. Going to London becomes an endurance test rather than a revival. Much as I delight in my children’s company, I also need to read and write and the school holidays don’t allow for that. Since I left school, I’ve always looked forward to September, the academic New Year when the duvet is friendly again and real life begins once more. So for now, I can forgive the rain. I’m still wearing my Icelandic knitwear around the house and embracing the Cornish mini-dress and wellies look outside (too hot for waterproof trousers, too wet for jeans or a long skirt). It’s still socially acceptable to stay inside and read and there’s still space for me and Tobias to build sand-aeroplanes on the beach during Max’s surfing lessons. I don’t mind getting wet, and the children learnt in Iceland that weather is no reason to change your plans.

The other problem with summer is that everyone is expected to have fun, which is the kind of command that makes me snarl even when there isn’t a jaw-droppingly awful government getting more awful by the hour, a global recession and people pretending that the Olympics is going to make things better. I don’t object to fun in principle, at least as long as it doesn’t make a noise or involve rules, but I refuse to do it on command. Give me a rainswept beach with a satisfactorily bracing head-wind, a stolen afternoon at the cinema with a box of chocolates I don’t have to share, my children’s company in an old-fashioned museum of local history. I do not want to dance, or watch people kicking or hitting balls or trying to do something unnecessary faster than someone else. I’d far rather be wearing a jumper and a cagoule by the sea than have sand on my skin. (Though I do, of course, enjoy the summer ban on dogs on the beach.)

I have tried, this year. We thought the children should at least see how these things work. I took Tobias to watch the Olympic flame come through Falmouth, forty-five minutes late and preceded, inexplicably, by a fleet of what we first took to be bin lorries but which turned out to be floats advertising soft drinks, mobile phones and fast food, equipped with flashing lights and gyrating women. As a friend remarked, it all seemed most incongruous in Falmouth where some hand-made vintage bunting and burly men singing shanties are the usual forms of celebration. A policeman fell very slowly off his motorbike and everyone cheered; there were more police there than anyone thought Cornwall possessed and so it would have been the perfect day for a crime-spree in West Penwith. For the Jubilee, we joined friends at a village fete where people were paying a pound each to wang wellies and throw wet sponges at men in the stocks. There was snail racing and cream teas. I found it preferable to the Olympic torch, but still incomprehensible. An American friend told me that in twenty years here, she’d never felt so foreign as she did that weekend. Neither had I.


I’m scared of dogs. I have been since I can remember. People always ask if I was attacked as a child and sometimes, since discovering that saying yes makes the questioner more likely to keep dogs away from me, I wince and mutter something about an Alsatian at the playground. But the truth is that if there’d ever been an Alsatian at the playground, I’d have been on the other side of the park before it even saw me. My instincts around dogs make me think that humans aren’t as far from the world of mammoths and sabre-tooth tigers as we sometimes imagine. I can spot one from two fields away, and, given enough room for manoeuvre, can lurk behind trees and walls, maintaining distance and using wind-direction so it never notices me. It’s when you stop, I find, that they attack, or at least bark and growl, so I keep moving, angling away until I can clamber over a wall or, if need be, up a tree, until it’s gone away. My fear makes country walks difficult, which is a shame because I walk to stay sane and would love to be able to use the coast paths and green lanes without feeling like a deer trying to get past the lions.

The problem, of course, isn’t really dogs, but dog owners. Some do keep their animals on leads, or, bless them, put them on leads when approaching other people. Some are actually in control of their dogs, to the extent that the dog will come when the owner calls and stay by the owner until I’ve gone past (keep breathing, I mutter to myself, hands down, keep moving, because yes, I do know that dogs sense fear and react aggressively, so that your dog’s aggression is in some way my fault). But at least half the dog-owners round here have dogs running loose and let them approach people walking with young children, even if those people are pleading with them to keep the dog away. I wish, said my older son, we had a pet tiger.

We’d keep it on a lead in town, we thought. If people stepped into the road to avoid Tigger, we’d say oh, she won’t hurt you, she’s very friendly. We’d let her crap on the pavement and pretend we hadn’t noticed, and leave pools of tiger-pee trickling down the walls of other people’s houses, as if Cornwall were just a tigers’ toilet. She’d sniff at pushchairs, leaving trails of slime across the foot-muffs, and we’d say oh yes, Tigger loves babies. She’d bound up to toddlers and lick their heads from above, maybe growling a little, and we’d say don’t look so worried, she won’t hurt you. And once we got out of town, along the coast path round Pendennis Head, we’d let her off the lead, because tigers need to run about somewhere, burn off some energy. We’d know she doesn’t bite, so we’d let her get quite a long way ahead, out of our sight, and we’d trail the lead so that anyone coming up behind us knew we had an uncontrolled tiger that was likely to appear from behind a bush at any moment. Maybe sometimes there’d be a bit of roaring coming from the trees ahead, and we might, if we were feeling very public-spirited that day, interrupt our conversation to shout ‘be quiet, Tigger, you silly old thing.’ She’d run up to dogs, of course, because that’s what tigers do, and we’d smile at her friendly enthusiasm. She might snap a bit, or take the odd swipe, because she’s a bit bouncy, our tiger, but she’s an old softy really. If she did happen to take a little nip, it must be because the dog was provoking her somehow, maybe trembling or running away so she thinks it’s a game. Tigers do pick up on fear, you know. If your dog would stop being so hysterical, she wouldn’t act like that. No, Tigger, put it down now. Now! Tigger! Oh dear, she never will do what she’s told, silly girl. Tigger, drop it!


It’s that stage in the autumn term where it seems equally impossible that we will ever reach the end and that we can keep going. Both children are tired and prone to colds, the adults are unable to get to bed in time to be functional in the morning and I’ve started keeping separate to-do lists because if I see the whole lot in one place I will have to confront the idiocy of my over-commitment and start telling people I can’t do things. The positive side of this situation is that I’ve stopped working at weekends. I don’t know if this mechanism is self-destructive or perversely functional, but now it’s clear even to me that I can’t possibly do everything I’m supposed to do when I’m supposed to do it, I’m not trying all that hard.

I spent this afternoon making mincemeat with my five-year-old. (For non-British readers, this kind of ‘mincemeat’ is a fruit concoction for Christmas pies that hasn’t contained minced meat for several centuries.) I’d always had making your own mincemeat in the same category as making your own jam, a step too far in the romanticizing of a form of domestic labour that lends itself particularly well to mass-production. But supermarket pastry is nasty, and the handmade pies in the artisanal bakery are good value for good quality but expensive when you’re feeding hungry children. When I read the label on a jar of mincemeat, it struck me that the mark-up on apples, raisins and spices is as remarkable as on bought hummus. I came home and set the five-year-old to work chopping apples while I made pastry, just as if I didn’t have four books to read, a pile of essays to mark and a lecture to write for Tuesday morning.

We’ve resumed last winter’s habit of going out for the day on Sunday, now I’ve given up trying to be ready for Monday morning. In summer, the children have more weekend activities – sailing, surfing – and the roads and beaches are so busy it often seems pleasanter to stay at home. I like Cornwall best in winter, I think; the oblique light on the sea, the way the stars seem brighter and the sky blacker than elsewhere in England, even the changing rhythms of the rain. Last week we walked from Perranuthoe to Marazion, along the edges of Mount’s Bay with St Michael’s Mount levitating on the sea in front of us. When we returned to Perranuthoe, we had lunch outside in the sun, too hot to keep our coats on. (It’s probably a good thing I didn’t send a photo to friends in Iceland as I was briefly tempted to do.) The week before that, we heard seals singing from the sand under the cliffs west of Portreath.

So I don’t really care that I’ll be writing next week’s lecture in the early hours of the day I give it. Maybe I won’t write it at all. I’ve extemporized before and it’s been rather good, actually.